A Land of the Emperors

Chapter I - Drop dead!



The Peoples Republic of Hamittia... A communist government installed after the 1934 Independence War. Not a government the people wanted. The Republic has only been recognized by a few nations - the Japanese, France and Switzerland.







Kyle Impulse was the head of state of the Republic. The highest place you can get to in here, but he was still not satisfied. The people were rioting, and the Hamittian military was weak. He had to call a government meeting. That he did, one dreary morning in January the government met together in the Central Palace.


Kyle Impulse: Welcome, gentlemen. I suppose you already know why I called you together - so without further ado, I demand a report from our military ministers.
Mack and Amit both stand up
Amit: The military is well equipped. We have fine weapons imported from France and we have fine officers and generals leading them.
Mack: *straightens tie* It is true, our military is better equipped then the rest of the Peninsula. The problem is that we do not have enough men to USE the weapons - and *starts staring into the distance for a brief period* our borders are left undefended and our army is thinned out.
Kyle Impulse: I see. Have you started a campaign to offer a box of jaffa cakes and a pound of cheese for each recruit yet?
Amit: *clears throat and straightens tie* Well, dear comrade, no. We have been experiencing a severe deficit of cheeses since last November. It has been said that a cow flu broke out and all the milk was spoiled.
Kyle Impulse: *sighs* Its a shame. You can sit down gentlemen.
They do
Kyle Impulse: What is our foreign situation?
Tec H Netium fiddles with papers and puts on reading glasses before standing up
Tec H Netium: To say the least, our relations are terrible. Most of the nations I have been trying to conclude deals with do not recognize us as an independent nation and only the Sovietsphere nations look at us favorably. So, in conclusion -
Someone or something is running up the stairs
Tec H Netium: *appears to be slightly afraid* ... in conclusion - our foreign relations aren't cake.
Sudden silence
Tec H Netium: And, uh, *scratches head* our attempts to influence them have - *goes pale* have - *takes off glasses slowly*
Kyle Impulse: Have what, come on now!
A shot is heard, Tec H Netium falls down with a sizable bullet hole in his neck
A man holding a revolver kicks in the door, with a few officers more behind him
The chairman stands up in disbelief
Kyle Impulse: Who are you? What are you doing here?! I demand an explanation!
Three officers walk in, the last one to walk in starts to speak
Officer: I am Joshua McEmpero, Lieutenant General in the Red Army. You are being disposed off and we are installing a new government.
Ehmem Dhee stands up, takes out a small weapon and reloads it
Ehmem Dhee: Hell no, fuckers! Fuck the polic-
A second officer shoots him, Ehmem Dhee falls down, Kieller Kidd and Mack seem to have dissipated in the chaos
Kyle Impulse: Who are you, murderers?! Guards, GUARDS!
Officer Deux: We're just a few generals that dislike you. Oh, and consider your guards dead. I am Guillermo Garceia, General of the Red Army.
Amit tries to sneak up behind the officers, holding a metal pipe
Kyle Impulse: Ahahah! *awkward laugh* You - you wont get away with this. *stares at Amit* I'll hang you myself!
Amit hits Joshua McEmpero with the pipe, the officer stumbles and holds his head in pain. The third officer shoots Amit
Officer Trois: Nasty bugger, him. *helps McEmpero stand up* Call me Marcus Praetor, I'm the Field Marshall of the Red Army.
Impulse understands hes alone in the room, not counting the bodies
Kyle Impulse:You bastards! *looks around* The Republic will stand! *tries to run through the door only to get shot, falling face first right infront of the assassins*
Guillermo Garceia: Nasty job this. But it has to be done.

Chapter II - Act like you know...



It was a victorious feeling throughout the small nation. People cheered, the streets were crowded and fireworks went off in the night. Not only because of the disposal of Impulses oppressive regime but also because a great intellectual - Christopher Landruther - finally returned from his tours of the Americas. A large group of people greeted Christopher when he landed and when he drove off towards the Central Palace - to occupy his new political position.





Even through the streets were alive, inside the palace it was quiet. The coup further degraded the appearance of the country within the international world and its stability was viewed questionable - even as far as betting on how long it will take before another coup happens. However, the new government had plans.

The Archduke enters the room
Joshua McEmpero: Good morning, gentlemen, and a warm "welcome back" to you Chris. Now I've been told that our military is in a, how do I put this *grumbles*, shit state. Has anyone got any ideas how to fix this?
Landruther raises his hand
Christopher Landruther: Before discussing important matters, I would like to say sorry that I was not able to bring back Venezuelan Beaver Cheese for they did not have it in stock - the damn bastards. Ehm, anyway, right. Well, I propose that we somehow talk Portugal into selling us some recruits.
Joshua McEmpero: A decent idea, if I may say so myself! Anyone against this?
Garceia stands up
Guillermo Garceia: I am against any kind of relations with Portugal. They have oppressed our kind for centuries. I say we DEMAND *hits the table with his fist to emphasize the word* our lands back and if they don't give it to use - we will take it back by force, whatever little force we have.
Christopher looks at Guillermo Garceia, surprised
Marcus Praetor: I second this idea. If a war breaks out, the Portuguese will be seen as aggressors - and the British won't intervene. If they do, well, we're screwed. And the war, if it happens, of course, would be a great training ground for the National Guard.
Joshua McEmpero: Very well. We shall have another meeting to discuss this, but Guillermo Garceia and you will travel to Lissabon and present the ultimatum. Now, who wants biscuits?

-







-

The Archduke and Marcus Praetor stood in the balcony, infront of a large, zealous cheering crowd. Joshua smiled, for he knew that his popularity was going up, but there was a single problem - he had to give an amazing speech.
Joshua McEmpero: Look, man, I'm rubbish at speeches, you gotta help me out here.
Marcus Praetor: Is it really that difficult?
Joshua McEmpero: YES! If it wouldn't I wouldn't be bloody whispering would I *grins for the crowd*.
Marcus Praetor: Look, think of something you really really like and just act like you know.
The crowd suddenly went silent - the Archduke was about to give his speech.
Joshua McEmpero: *clears throat* *fiddles with the microphone* Erm... BACON FOR ALL!
The crowd explodes with cheers and everyone celebrates one of the greatest written speeches in mankind. Joshua grins awkwardly and leaves the balcony.

Grat one lmao at the names being derived of a certain oakey nature, this has summed up the oak age well men

GreenHammy wrote:

Grat one lmao at the names being derived of a certain oakey nature, this has summed up the oak age well men

Indeed all names are derived from real names and if not from nicknames and up to WW2 I have atleast 1 more event of oakey nature

Chapter III - Stand Up and Be Counted


It was finally silent. One step closer to total unification, one step closer to the inevitable war with Spain. An incompetent military staff would of relaxed, but thanks to Sheffield McDonnoly - a tank entrepreneur and owner of the Central Logistics company, General Wilford and more the military was finally on its feet. Divisions were being trained for great battles to come.





But compared to the political and domestic situation, the military sector was tame. The people wanted a voice - and someone to hear that voice. Even though Marcus Praetor took the seat of actually controlling the state - the face and voice behind the green, white and black tricolour was that of the Archduke Joshua. That was taken into account when the common people wanted to establish the Iberian Senate. The Central Palace was once more a battleground between monarchists and those of more authoritarian views. The Archduke was in the centre of it, overwhelmed and with a headache.

Joe Mother: ... - if I were to give the final say, I would say yes. The people have suffered enough and need some rights.
Marcus Praetor: If rights were to be given, it would be at a cost of stability and order which means only one thing - rebellions -
Joe Mother: They WOULD rebel if they had no rights. We shall give them and relax the leash -
Guillermo Garceia: But what if they form groups? Hate groups or such?
Joe Mother: Well, erm, I seemed to glanced that over...
Marcus Praetor: Thats why we should stick with the good old fashioned-
The Archduke lifted his head and shouted
Joshua McEmpero: ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT! Christ, you guys, learn to discuss and argue, jesys. I vote for the proposal -
Marcus Praetor: Four of us (Garceia, Praetor, von Haly and Drak) vote against
Joshua McEmpero: But I am the Archduke and Emperor of Iberia - my vote shadows all others. The senate is now established. *mutters* Bloody hell... *hits the table with a mallet silently, and walks outside to take an aspirin*
The room goes silent



¹

Finally, Joshua became the Emperor of Hamittia and Iberia. Well, maybe not Iberia yet, but surely of Hamittia. He sent out a group of diplomats to negotiate the chance of Spain joining our nation. Unlike with Portugal, the Spaniards had a capable army and could stand against the Imperial Army.



But this could only mean so little before the unrest went through the roof and the country fell apart - engaged in a Civil War.



The Emperor and newly appointed Doge of Hamittia - Marcus Praetor - met on the outskirts of a small village north of Lissabon.
The Doge took off his hat and greeted the Emperor, the Emperor nodded
Marcus Praetor: Your highness, Spain is finally weakened. We could strike now - our army is at its best capabilities since the Portuguese Colonization times. We should be able to take them on.
The Emperor looked out into the horizons before sighing and turning to face the Doge



¹ - Landru is apparently not in the current league (Fascist, Nazi, Monarchist, Social Conservative and something) so we apparently cannot have him as intelligence minister. Instead he is now Chief of Staff

Chapter IV - The Thin Ice


The Emperor looked out into the horizons before sighing and turning to face the Doge
Joshua McEmpero: Are you sure we are capable of this?
Marcus Praetor: I'm pretty confident. Our generals are good and the army is far better trained then in the Red Army days.
His highness tried to mutter something but stopped. Finally, he dusted off his uniform and cleared his throat
Joshua McEmpero: Very well. Send the declarations of war and mobilize the forces.



The people were not satisfied with this war, because the news of the newly recruited troops had not been in the newspapers and the civilians were feeling insecure. This, ofcourse, called for another great speech. This time the Doge was out in the front lines commanding the troops, so the only person left to help his highness was the intellectual Christopher.
Same balcony, same place
Christopher Landruther: Look, man, I don't have time. I'm the Chief of Staff, after all. I've got job in the war.
Joshua McEmpero: And I've got green ham in my fridge, is res non, help me out man.
Christopher Landruther: Ok ok, I'll start the speech.
Chris walked up to the microphones and greeted the people
Christopher Landruther: Ok, uhh. Hello, everyone! Today I'm standing here to announce the start of the Great Wars. Do not be afraid, our troops are well trained and, uh, theres tons of them, so, er, everything will be fine.
The crowd was still enraged
Joshua McEmpero: Oh fuck this *storms forward and takes the microphone* IT IS I, YOUR EMPEROR, BRINGER OF MANY SLICES OF DEAD PIG! TODAY IT SHALL RAIN FUDGE! *throws fudge at the crowd, crowd cheers*

Marcus Praetor: What the hell do you mean by WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FOOD, SIRE? I BLOODY TOLD YOU TO GET THE FORCES MOBILIZED!
Serif Aj Majad: The forces are mobilized, your highness. The filthy Spaniards have ambushed our supply convoys and stolen many food rations.
Two men, walked into the tent
Sheffield McDonnoly: Sire, the supply trucks have made their way here. A lot were lost, but we have enough supplies to make a massive attack on all fronts.
Christopher Landruther: Yes. I have visited the troops and they have high morale. The Spanish border is poorly defended, if defended at all so our troops will be able to make massive advances.
Marcus Praetor: Alright then, lets initiate Operation Supercharge then.



It has now been a week, and there hasn't been any news about the situation. Were we winning? Was the Army encircled and massacred? Nobody, except for those on the front, knew. The Emperor was worried, it was his country at stake, after all. But, after all this wait, three messengers from the 2nd Corps Cavalry, commanded by Serif Aj Majad, arrived at the Central Palace. The Emperor rushed outside.

Joshua McEmpero: Good god, how are you? How is the situation? Is it all right? Am I sounding too much like your mother?
The dragoons looked at each other, stared at the Emperor and gave him a map.
Joshua McEmpero: Oh god, the classic "be silent, give bad news" moment. I bet half of our lands have been conquered and our army is encircled somewhere in Madrid. Better not be, we're walking on the thin ice now...
He unrolled the map



Within ten days, the Imperial Army had conquered lands twice the size of the pre-war country. The Emperor was surprised.

The good news were not the same in the 2nd Corps Cavalry. The army, being encircled once and barely managing to retake the frontlines was battered. But there was atleast some good news - the Nationalist army was encircled. The Republicans finally did something useful! An attack was mounted.
Marcus Praetor: How did the siege of Burgos go?
Sheffield McDonnoly: Erm, sire, we didn't capture it. And, uhh...
Marcus Praetor: Darn. What were you saying?
Sheffield McDonnoly: I don't want to ask this, but... Your highness, where are our tank divisions?
The Doge stared at the general. He himself oversaw the commissioning of 30 British Vickers 6-ton tanks. What happened to them?

The Spaniards ate them.

Nevertheless, with some strategic genius, the line was broken and Burgos, along with Madrid and some more lands was taken. The military now faced the what it had been worst prepared for - two front war. For a single front war, the military was better then adequate, but for two fronts, it was too small.

Heheh, this is great! Better than ImperiBall even!

But, what, may I ask, is this:

Quote :

1 - Landru is apparently not in the current league (Fascist, Nazi, Monarchist, Social Conservative and something) so we apparently cannot have him as intelligence minister. Instead he is now Chief of Staff

PS. Victory over the Spaniards!

PPS. lol coup in nicaragua

Landru the Falcon wrote:

But, what, may I ask, is this:

Quote :

1 - Landru is apparently not in the current league (Fascist, Nazi, Monarchist, Social Conservative and something) so we apparently cannot have him as intelligence minister. Instead he is now Chief of Staff

Its a note. Y'see, in HOI2 ministers can be in cabinet if they're within two steps to each sides of the political spectrum, so, if we were nazi (far extremest right), we could only use fascist and monarchist ministers, if stalinist (far extremest left) only leninists and left-wing radicals. In other words, I looked this over and faultily scripted it

Landru the Falcon wrote:

PS. Victory over the Spaniards!

not quite, damn tank eating bastards

Landru the Falcon wrote:

PPS. lol coup in nicaragua

PPS(h). check first chapter, massive soviet union flipout due to me faultily scripting something
el edit: also chapter names will usually be songs that i have in my playlist so anyone who names them will get a jaffa cake

EL EDIT2: GENTLEMEN WHICH TO USE: BRITISH TANKS (cheaper, but shit for the period) OR FRENCH TANKS (expensive, complex but brilliant up until 1940) OR SOVIET SHIT TANKS (cheaper, and shit, and shit untill 1917) OR SOME INDIGENOUS DESIGN?

FILLER
Due to the upcoming massive updates and alot of shit is going on, filler time cause not enough time to properly make a full chapter.

Ministers - note, the ministers go from left to right, top to bottom in the minister screenshot somewhere



and some behind stage poo aka the technology tab



except atleast 2 chapters soon

Chapter V - Another One Bites the Dust


Eleanor,

I know I haven't been writing to you for quite a while. I'm deeply sorry for the mess that is our army logistical department. I'm sorry.
As you may know, the Nationalists are on the fringe, but I don't think you know the real story behind it. This war isn't as glorious as you think it is. Every day, I see the Condor Legion up in the sky, I hear explosions and I go deaf and blind in the smoke, dust and noise. I open my eyes and see corpses of my fellow soldiers, that I talked to not ten minutes ago. Every offensive we mount we lose thousands of soldiers, but I think this is overlooked, as they simply give us more seventeen year olds.

However, I have good news. It looks as I'm going home soon. Theres not much left in the north, and surely the 3rd Infantry will get detached home. I hope. The good news are also tainted - the Spanish have one hell of a defence in the mountains and an uphill charge into machine gun nests can only end so well. The French are providing slight assistance too, their new tanks have done wonders in the coastal areas.





But the damn mountains.

I'll see you in no more then a month, I promise.

Soon to be home,
Juan Estaleda, Lieutenant Brigadier of the 3rd Infantry, detachment North.

P.S. Tell our children that I'm bringing back candy


A man enters a small bunker, in which Estaleda is sitting, writing his letter.
General Vestrangelle: Juan, Juan, come here, I've got news.
Juan Estaleda: What is it? I'm writing, for gods sake.
General Vestrangelle: The Nationalists have finally been dealt with, only the republicans remain.
A smile appears on Estaleda's face, he etches something else in the letter

Chapter VI - The Letter


Estaleda was inside his Hotchkiss command tank, writing another letter to his wife and kids

Eleanor,

Today we're on the final offensive operations against the Republicans and the Doge believes this is the fall of Spain. I certainly hope so, because I don't want to stay in the bloody mountain range anymore.

Republican dive bombers were circling overhead and met with anti-air fire from various batteries

The Spaniards have the upper hand in men, airforce and naval forces (I'm not sure if the navy was out of port, actually), but their days are numbered and I'm going home soon.

The gunfire was not enough, the bombers got closer
Estaleda opened the tanks hatch and looked up, only to disappear in a bomb explosion

The smoke cleared, all that was left of the Hotchkiss was a deformed hull set ablaze by the bombers



Right behind the Hotchkiss was the Vickers tank column, complete with the Emperor and the Doge.
Joshua McEmpero: What the fuck was that?
Marcus Praetor: Looks like Soviet Tupolevs. Decent airplanes, them.
Joshua McEmpero: For butts sake we were almost killed and all you can think about are the operational specifications of shitty bombers?
Tank Commander: Sire, it seems one Juan Estaleda was in that tank. A general, of sorts.
Joshua McEmpero: See? We're even losing generals now!
Marcus Praetor: Don't get pissy about it, we're doing fine.
The Emperor fumed

Indeed, the army was doing fine. The Republican forces were quickly rounded up and annihilated and all that was left to do was sign the papers announcing the unification of the Iberian peninsula.







A week passed, it took a week for the tank column to get back to the capital. The Emperor faced yet another difficult task - a speech. Surely, a man ruling the second largest peninsula in Europe, a brave general and tank commander can do that.

No.

Chapter VII - Bad Moon Rising


Joshua McEmpero: The same cursed balcony, the same crowd, the same horseshit I have to pull every time I even try to make a speech... Well, screw this, lets try. *clears throat* HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO MA PEEPS! I assume you know about how I singlehandedly defeated the Nationalists in the mountains and proclaimed the Holy Iberian Empire, so I wont brag too much, but when they saw this handsome devil *shows off* leading the charge, they surrendered immediately! Anywho, back to the matter at hand, I have bad nows that even I did not expect. Our vile wretch minister Helen Dixie betrayed us by giving information to the evil Spaniards so we have shot her. All is well. And on this nutshell, I must end this glorious speech but not before FREE LOLLIES *tosses candy at crowd*



The Emperor turns back at the Doge who's standing in the shadows of the room
Marcus Praetor: That is not how you make a proper speech, but whatever. I have news, your highness, the British delegation accepted our demands of Gibraltar, even though this was a massive hit to Ibero-British relations.
Joshua McEmperor: We'll recover... But great news about Gibraltar, finally we won't have that small red speck on our maps.



As the two were walking towards the exit, Guillermo Garceia ran up to them
Guillermo Garceia: Gentlemen, do you know whats going on in Asia?
Joshua McEmpero: The Chinese are in ruins, the Japanese are raping everything and the British are playing snooker, whats there not to know?
Guillermo Garceia: The brittle situation between the Japanese and Chinese. The Chinese communists are supported by the soviets, the commies are at war with nationalists, supported by the yanks, and the nips are at war with the nationalists and their warlords. This, in turn, can create a Balkans effect where a web of alliances and guarantees will trigger a domino effect, spiraling the entire continent out of control. The Nationalists are already losing to the communists, and the Japanese won't help either.
The Emperor was left baffled
Marcus Praetor: In other words, I see a bad moon rising, I feel trouble on the way.



²

1 - Actually Lithuanian troops, 1939
2 - Nationalist China - the hueg yellow China portion, Commie - red, Shanxi - green ones bordering Manchukuo and Japan, Guangxi - Blue ones in the south getting owned, Maroon - Yunnan, the diarrhea colour west - Sinkiang and ofcourse ronery Tibet grey.

slight update meights
made an event that adds some new divisions, airplanes and ships to our army since salvage from spaniards and an event chain that frees a nation and then triggers their industrialization event

any more ideas of possible events? (landru, perhaps something south america related since we're in decent relations, or USA that actually likes us? maybe brits/french?)

Chapter IX - Darker Skies Ahead


Belfast, Ireland. A man with a top hat and a monocle is walking in circles. Guillermo Garceia, dressed in dark black diplomat attire, calmly walks up to him.

Guillermo Garceia: Admiral Ralph Leatham, I suppose?
Ralph Leatham: Yes, indeed. *shakes hands* Now I believe you're here for the ship? HMS Formidable?
Guillermo Garceia: I think... *takes out note and reads it* Yes, that's the one. How much will it cost?
Ralph Leatham: We plan to sell it for 14 million pounds.
Guillermo Garceia: Alright, we will contact you later.

Four days later, Central Palace, Evora. Guillermo enters the room.

Guillermo Garceia: Good morning, your highne- are you drunk again?
The Emperor murmurs something before flailing his arm
Marcus Praetor: He's been arsefaced since yesterday, drank all the port.
Joshua McEmpero: I AM NOT DRUNK! *hic* I AM MILDLY ASHLEEP WITHIN THE CONFOUNDS OF *hic* modern SHOSHIETY.
Guillermo Garceia: No, you're drunk and I've made a deal with the englishman.
Marcus Praetor: Ah, wonderful. How much?
Guillermo Garceia: 14 million pounds.
Joshua McEmpero: THIEF! FOURTY MILLION POUNDSH THAT IS GOING TO LEAVE US ALCOHOLLESH! THOSE DAMN CARNAVAL FOLK ALWAYS TRYING TO RIP A PERSHON OFF!
Marcus Preator: Cheaper then I expected for a ship built in Britain...



Joe Mother opens the door and peeks inside
Joshua McEmpero: COME INSHIDE, COME INSHIDE *hic* HERE, HAVE A DRINK FINE LADY.
Joe Mother: Are you pissed again? On -
Marcus Praetor: - port, I presume, yes, you are correct. What's the bad news?
Joe Mother: Oh, er, I was here to pick up my jaffa cake ration. But yes, bad news. Japanese making some success in their effort against China -
Joshua McEmpero: OH NO! WHAT WILL WE DO WITH THE CHINESHE INVADERSH OUTSHIDE *hic* ohhhh I'm pissed as a fart...
Joe Mother: And the Austrian struck a deal with the French and British to take a slice of Czechoslovakia - "the germans live there". Pft, what a load of bollocks.
Marcus Praetor: Czech defensive installations were in the Sudetenland. Shits brewing in there... We should start an operation to guarantee independence of countries bordering Germany, Poland and the Soviet union. In that case, we will be able to declare war on them with a nice reason.
Joshua McEmpero: I can't tell pie from chicken and my life is in a spiral downward-*hic* AHAHAH HEIL MEIN FUHRER YEAH YOU GIVE THEM A NUDGE YOU LITTLE MAN YOU *hits desk with face*
Joe Mother: Seriously, we should hide the port better.








Disclaimer: Joshua McEmpero and his alcoholic troubles are purely fictional portrayal. No warehouse worker was injured in the writing of this chapter. Any similarity to real people are pure coincidence. Ahahah no, Ham you drunkard ahahaha jk

Chapter X - Get Ready



Middle of Iberia, in a large field, a huge amount of tanks, firearms, artillery and even aircraft were being checked. The equipment of the former spanish armies was going to be reused. In the middle of this chaos, was none other then the man who had nothing to do with all this, Joe Mother. An airforce lieutenant walked up to him.

Lieutenant: Good day, sir. Are you the one in charge of checking these things?
Joe Mother: Erm, why, so it seems.
Lieutenant: Ah, good. I am from the Royal Airforce. I would like to know what kind of aircraft did the spanish leave behind.
Joe Mother: Well there are the *points at an airplane in the distance*... these planes and, uh, of course there's always *looks around and notices a bomber in the distance* the big ones and they were used by the... air... force... army of the spanish... army.
Lieutenant: Ah yes, the famous Dornier bombers. Used by the germans. Do you know what the load-out was?
Joe Mother: *confused* Well it *sighs*, I mean I'm no expert but its clear that the... airplanes had, well, clearly, atleast one... weapon and -
Lieutenant: I'm asking how many bombs did it carry?
Joe Mother: *walks up to the plane* Well, that's the clever thing. The plane actually had... bombs and it flew over the enemy and the bombs fell down and-
Lieutenant: Yes, I'm asking how many bombs it carried, in weight, in pounds.
Joe Mother: Oh, er, I don't know, five, maybe six... pounds? *silently* What in gods name am I doing here...



Meanwhile, in the Saharan desert...
Marcus Praetor (on a camel, donning a pith helmet): This is quite a useless plot of land, isn't it, old boy?
Joshua McEmpero (on foot, not donning a pith helmet and soaked in sweat): *wheeze* Yes, yes, of course. Have you any water? Its kind of warm out here.
Marcus Praetor: You drank it all back when we were at port. Shall we head back? You don't look that well.
Joshua McEmpero: Heading back... *struggles to catch breath* that sounds... about right. *silently* Why did I have to walk all the way here... *cough*
Marcus Praetor: Wouldn't it be better to just leave the natives to do their own damned things in this heat. I mean here and in the Balearics we have little to do. And the commoners are getting angry.
Joshua McEmpero: Why not? Oh look, a cow. Heh... Hehehhhuue*collapses*


¹

While the Emperah was on a boat back home, the Iberian Accords were signed - a declaration that recognized the independence of the two new nations and non-aggression pacts were signed as well. This was seen as a sign that the Hamittian Empire was not seeking new colonies, and thus relations with quite a few nations worldwide improved as a result.




-
Note 1: Balearics - the shit colour in the middle of the sea, Sahara - the orange bit in Africa.

Chapter XI - Shaking All Over


The Royal Palace...

Joshua McEmpero: You know, I'm not sure whether giving our colonies independence was a good thing...
Marcus Praetor: Why not? I mean, the spanish had bits and bobs of Africa here and there and we inherited all that... rubbish, really.
Guillermo Garceia: Indeed. And the colonials were getting rather pissed. I'd say we should rather focus on Arabia or Persia.
Marcus Praetor: Ah, oil! Oil is a worthy resource these days. While currently we're buying oil from the americans so we could hold out in a longer war, the stockpile would run out within a few years of fierce and bitter armoured, air and naval fighting.
Joe Mother walks in...
Joe Mother: And it seems, "a few years of fierce and bitter armoured, air and naval fighting" it will be. Well... Eventually, I mean. Things are getting worse in Germany and its sphere of influence.
Joshua McEmpero: Have we any news from Asia? Haven't heard from our Hong Kong merchants in quite a while.
Joe Mother: Well, the map... *opens suitcase and takes out a map of the world* Oh dear, it looks even worse then it was before the entire riff-raff. My god, it looks like a terrible attempt at colonizing the area! What was the point of all this bloodshed? What were they thinking!



Marcus Praetor: Wait... So essentially, Japan goes to war against China to... Free China? Hold on, have they taken their tanks or something?
Joe Mother: No, sir. They only installed a puppet regime.
Marcus Praetor: Well that's a pointless waste of bullets...

The door is opened.

Christopher Landruther: Hello, hello! Am I late? Am I? Oh, it doesn't matter. I have news from Germany and Italy.
Joshua McEmpero: Ah, wonderful! Is the poorly moustached austrian dead yet?
Christopher Landruther: No, sir. Hes alive, sir. Czechoslovakia is dead though. And he's taken a bit of Lithuania, as well.
Marcus Praetor: Tea, anyone? No? Bah, humbug, I say. *sits down with a cup of tea* What's wrong with the Czechs? Didn't the austrian already take their mountains?
Christopher Landruther: Yes, sir. I mean, no sir. I mean, *sigh* he invaded what was left of the country and made a puppet out of Slovakia.
Marcus Praetor: Oh dear. News from Italy as well, if I remember correctly?
Christopher Landruther: Well the italians invaded Albania and *tries to hold back laughter* I quote: "After hours of fierce battles-
All of the ministers start laughing

puppet ville woo, lmao at the pointless shooting what the buttocks, grat men grat